Choose-your-own-reaction to mass tragedy: a handy guide

At a loss for how to react to terrible tragedy as a result of human brutality? Fear not, simply choose one of the following responses:

[blanket statement about American imperialist cruelty being oh so much worse]
Pro: You think it makes you look enlightened and compassionate.
Con: It doesn’t. It makes you look like a cold prick.

[blanket statement about rounding any subgroup of people up]
Pro: You think it makes you look practical.
Con: It doesn’t. It makes you look like a cold prick.

It’s vitally important to retain the belief that these are the only two valid responses in existence. You may not choose another way to respond, so don’t entertain that idea even for a minute.

Sincere and — more importantly, unqualified — expressions of sympathy are not to be engaged in. Expressions of compassion must always be footnoted to make sure everyone knows which tribe you are a member of, because we all know that allowing the tribalism at the center of your identity to push its way ahead of the unornamented compassion we should all feel for one another is the solution to these sorts of events. Right? Right.

Just bumped a half a C note at the Red Cross. Go do the same.

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