Oh my GOD, why do I always feel like this when I’m done with a piece? As if I’m not sure where to end it and as a result just chopped it off to finish it so I can relax?
I don’t think I did that here entirely, just because I’ve only sort of outlined the ending in broad strokes and will still probably have to add things to it. I’ve only got the pencil outlines down. But by the time I reach the end of a piece, there’s always this little bit of my mind telling me that I just cut it off because I’m lazy and ran out of steam and did an injustice to the idea.
To be fair, the damned thing is five pages long, and I had to squish the last couple pages to get it to not go to five plus one line on the sixth page. So in all honesty, it’s not that short. But I always doubt myself when I finish something, and wonder if I’m not just sick of working on it and cutting it off because I don’t have the nards to see it through to the end properly.
The last couple pieces I’ve done have alternated, I’m noticing. One piece that felt good when it was finished, followed by one that tore me up, followed by one that came out relatively painlessly, followed by this one that has me questioning myself hugely …
I can see why people say that if you feel you need to do this, you won’t do it for long unless you love it, because as much as I love to write music, it’s not always a pretty process. It reminds me of what people say about their kids: I love them, and thank God because I’d strangle them if I didn’t, etc.
I’m glad I love this because man, is it painful sometimes.