Amorphousness and self-indulgence

I think part of the difficulty I’ve been having (minor, but I feel a little ehhhhh rattling around above the neck) with the amorphousness of the upcoming bits of music is that it feels sort of self-indulgent to wander around with no clear modulation or goal in mind for more than two measures or so, a little like rambling aimlessly when one is talking. If I’m going to be playing/writing something, I should have something to say or else just shut up. (Why I feel this way in music I have no idea, because I clearly don’t feel like that in text.)

It’s just hard to let myself just ramble, even though I’m getting strong feelings that rambling is precisely what’s warranted at this point in the music. Oh, I’ll do it, and I don’t need to be convinced or anything. It’s just that it feels like I should go someplace if I’ve got the clutch in, rather than just spinning in the dirt for a bit. That’s what this part of the music feels like: spinning in the dirt.