Trying hard not to give up

I have this crazy-beautiful bit of music that appeared in toto in my brain a while back, and I can’t figure out what the hell it’s part of. I’m fairly sure it’s the last part of something, but I don’t know where I start from. It’s like the reverse of what I’ve otherwise complained about, where I have a starting point and no ending.

But the C#m thing I put into tupperware with a vague sense of annoyance and gratitude at getting the stupid, trivial, cold, unengaging piece of mental lint out of my life. This one is going to kill me a dozen times if I have to put it in cold storage. It’s almost absurdly beautiful. And I know it’s like that bit of the Fm thing that somehow ended up in DbM before wandering its way over to AbM. Somehow, I end up moving into F#M, and that’s where this starts.

I was convinced it was the third part of a triptych, with the middle part being that Ebm thing; they even end the same way. But I can’t figure it out. And it’s beautiful. So once again, here comes my insecurity that it’s too good an idea for a goob like me, I won’t do it justice, so why should I even bother writing music if good ideas come to me and die on the vine because I can’t bring them into the light they way they deserve. This shit’s going to drive me out of my mind.

That stupid Fm thing is going to be the bane of my existence. Like everything else in my life, it’s the instance where I shot up like a fireworks rocket way too early, accomplished far, far more than I should ever have done as a newbie … and then petered out and somehow never managed to make good on it again. Goddamn it.

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