“Just show me where to put my fingers.”

This must be the single stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. I’ve played this damn thing since I was this high. Everyone who’s ever learned how to play this thing has either started when they were this high, or even this high, or at least been doing it for as long … and you think that there’s still somehow some magic, secret way to do it that can be learned in five minutes? What, are you on crack?

I will never get over the sheer boggling, abyssal stupidity of that comment. These must be the same people who call into infomercials at 2am and buy a six-month supply of sugar pills that promise to melt away their fat with no effort on their part.